My 2 year vacation, part 1

It seems important

It seems important at this point to describe the reasons behind why I was gone for 2 years and lived in another state away from my sons: especially since I made it very clear in another post that I love these 2 young men with my entire heart.

In Spring 2005 I got a call from my sister, she told me dad was sick and that he wasn’t going to let anyone know that he had cancer, not even me.  He didn’t want people to feel sorry for him, navigating sad emotions was definitely not his strength.  So I made a trip to see him.

At that time he was going to radiation treatments and it didn’t take long to understand that this was near the end of his life.

I wanted my sons to at least see their grandfather before he passed.  I called my then ex-husband and explained the situation, he agreed to bring them.  They spent a couple of days with grandpa and back home they went.

They hospitalized dad and he went home A.M.A.   He had laid down for bed early that evening and I went in to say good night but he was already asleep.  So I very quietly and gently kissed his forehead, and said, “good night, I love you dad”, turned and took a couple of steps.  I heard him move and looked back.  He had raised himself up a bit and he smiled at me and said, “I love you hun.”

(Now that friends is a big deal.  Big deal.  He didn’t say I love you very often.  When I was growing up, I always kissed dad on his cheek, and said, “good night I love you.”  To which he kind of said night, or grunted something.  And smile?  Especially AT me??  Um, not really.)

It’s bittersweet, and I am deeply grateful for that exchange.

Little did I know that would be the last time he would ever say those words.

Things I Didn’t Know About Being Married to a Sex Addict

One woman’s courageous journey to healing and wholeness for herself, and her marriage. Thank you Tears in a Bottle, may Grace abound.

Tears in a Bottle

Being married to a sex addict, there were a lot of things I did not know.

I did not know the destructive nature of pornography and its far reaching, devastating effects on the lives, families, homes, churches, places it touches.

I did not know that the presence of pornography in my home had invaded my husband’s soul, and was a root cause of our damaged marriage and my utter brokenness.

I did not know that my husband had chosen pornography, masturbation and fantasy over intimacy with me.

I did not know that pornography was a form of betrayal.

I did not know that my husband was able to blatantly lie to me.

I did not know that the rejection of my heart, soul and body was not my fault.

I did not know that my body was fine just the way it was.

I did not know that I was…

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What do you do?

you do all you can do

When someone is drowning and you can’t swim, what do you do?

What if you don’t see a life preserver, do you stand there and helplessly watch?

Wait, you just remembered you can kind of float.

You yell at the top of your lungs, “Stop fighting!  Lay back the water will hold you!”

Immediately you take a deep breath and jump in the water, forcing yourself to relax enough to lay back and float.  You slowly work your way toward them, it’s all you can do, and you do all you can do.

You reach them, and hold out your hand as far as you can.

“I’m here!  Take my hand!”

“I can’t swim, so let’s float together.  You are loved.”

Beautiful hearts, brilliant minds

well beyond empathy

I believe those with beautiful hearts, and brilliant minds are some of the most vulnerable people on the earth.  Life touches them deeply, and goes well beyond empathy.

The pain in life that is inherent due to the fallen nature of this world is something they struggle with far more than the general population.  Why?  Because they feel the pain of not only themselves and their own lives, but the pain of others and it’s deep, down to their very soul.

It’s no wonder they seek to anesthetize and numb the pain.

Where do they go and who do they ask to learn how to navigate this with no anesthesia, with no numbing agent?

Those who’ve walked the same path, and are a few steps further along.  They too feel the pain, down to the depth of their soul and have found a path to wholeness, to inner peace.

Those who in the midst of crushing pain, stand up and take one more step.

Those who have the weight of the world pressing in on every side, and they take another breath.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Take one more breath, take one more step, live one more day.  You’ve got this.

You are loved.



Mothers and Daughters… in law

each secure

My first thought here is wouldn’t this sound better if it were simply Mothers & Daughters?  sigh

(Note to self:  I must remember to find out how to put the emoji that’s laughing and crying at the same time!)

Recently, some thoughts have come together to form a theory.  A theory that’s proved true time and  time again, but since I haven’t started documenting until now we’ll stay in theory land. (thumbs up)

The mother of a son and the wife/life girlfriend of that same son should really be almost best friends.  Other than age and experience, when you think about their common denominator it’s a logical rational conclusion.  There are NO 2 females on the planet that are going to love this man more than these two. 

It starts with mom.  She gives birth/adopts this beautiful baby boy who immediately has her entire heart, and she his.  She raises him and loves him and he looks to her for nurturing and navigating childhood into young adulthood.  He knows she cares for his heart and loves him as no other person, it’s pure and it’s a comforting place.

Then he meets a young woman with whom he falls head over heels in love.

If a healthy relationship ensues then all goes well.  This young girl has another woman who loves her as her mom does and this young man has a young woman who will now receive the care for his heart for hopefully the rest of his life.

She looks to his mom sometimes because she wants to take care of this man’s heart and knows this woman is the best resource she has.  They develop a deep, honest, caring relationship and trust each other knowing that no one can ever take either of their places.  They’re each secure in knowing that their unique place in this man’s heart is sacred and just that.  A mom and a wife in a man’s heart are sacredly unique and should be celebrated as such!

However…. if either if them is insecure regarding their place in the mans heart, then life can become one dramatic scene after another.  Who is the one hurt the most?  The young man.

If the young woman is not secure in her place, she’s going to view his mom as a threat, as a woman who doesn’t want her son to have a life of his own.  Then she’ll take steps to prove to the man how wrong his mother is, and how he’s better off without her.  This is ultimately painful for the mother and her feelings are understandably hurt.

If the mom is not secure in her place, she’ll hover and intrude and expect to be included with everything they do.  She’ll guilt her son into doing things and leave the young woman wondering what she’s done wrong and her feelings are understandably hurt.


But….this is all so easily resolved.  If either party gets a clear moment in their mind and realizes, “my place is unique.  NO one can take it from me” then hopefully they can get past their issues.

Young women, chill!  She’s had the care of her sons heart his entire life, she just wants to know she can trust you’ll care for it.  She’d like some time with her son, when you have children you’ll understand.

Women, chill!  She’s loved by your son and wants to care for his heart.  Give her a chance and let them build their relationship on their own.  Remember, you too were once young and in love and wanted a chance.

There is so much more I could add to this and probably will in another post for now, simply remember your place in his heart is yours.  You’re irreplaceable, rest and take comfort in that fact.

Real Estate

real estate insider trading (?)

A few years ago, I was house shopping.  I wanted to stay in the same neighborhood if possible, I really liked the laid back community and my walking route was great.  I noticed a particular house was vacant, and the property was still maintained quite well.

After about a year, there were notices on the door.  I was curious and hopeful that it might be going for sale, so I called the #’s listed only to be told there’s nothing they can tell me.  At this point I was hopeful it would go for sale soon.  I continued my daily walks noticing the house everyday and hoping I would get to buy it.

Then one day about 7:30a.m. as I rounded the corner, there it was!  A For Sale sign was in the yard and I was thrilled!  I immediately texted the real estate agent and this was her reply:

“That house actually has multiple offers on it.  I showed it as well.  I would love the opportunity to help you.”

A few weeks later the SOLD sign was attached to the For Sale sign and it still sat vacant for several months.  Approximately one year later a work truck is parked out in front of it and over the next couple of months work is in process.

Out for my walk, I round the corner and there’s a For…. RENT sign in the yard by the same company (Coldwell Banker) that had it for sale!  I called the real estate agent wanting to know what was going on, did Coldwell Banker sell it to Coldwell Banker or just decide to keep it and rent it?  I never got a straight answer from her so I researched myself.  Here is what happened as I observed the property and as confirmed with the property tax records which are public information:

Coldwell Banker put it up for sale with the local Coldwell Banker owner/broker as the listing agent.

One of their real estate agents “DL” bought it.

Coldwell Banker put up a sign For Rent with the real estate agent “DL”.

(My call to the real estate agent.)

Coldwell Banker sign comes down and up goes “L” Investments Rent Sign.

A couple months later, the property is rented and is now “L” Investments rental property.

My problem with the entire scenario is it reeks of real estate insider trading.  Not that there is such a thing, but if there was this is it.  A property for sale, an agent with the listing company buys it, does the title work to move it to his investments company, and now it’s rental property.

What’s bothering me is the entire real estate market is going the wrong direction.  It seems everyone thinks they can make money off rental property.  In addition to their personal home, they buy another home, then seek to rent it.  They really can’t afford 2 mortgages and the upkeep of both, so the rent is then inflated to cover the 2nd mortgage and any possible repairs, and or maintenance to the 2nd property.

THEN, the true real estate businesses take notice that a similar property they rent for $1,000 per month is being rented for $1,500  WHAT?  We can’t have that!  So they inflate their rent to the “going market rate” of $1,500.  NEVER MIND that it’s completely unnecessary to raise it to that price!  But, hey, after all it is the “market rate”.

Result: RENT IS HIGHER THAN HOUSE PAYMENTS!  <– which is absolutely ludicrous!

Rent is so high there’s no way to save $ to possibly buy a home and you’d better have some room mates to help share expenses.

Does anyone else remember when the whole reason you rented was so you could save some money?  How many young families are struggling because someone wanted to make an extra buck on a rent house?

Does anyone else see a problem here of say maybe a feudal system on the horizon?

(If you are unfamiliar with a feudal system – please research and educate yourself.)

It frustrates me and makes me feel helpless.

At the same time any change starts with the individual.

(NOT the government.  If you think passing a ton of laws/legislation is the way to stop greed from the Corporate CEO to the individual living on the street, I feel bad for you because you’re seriously misinformed.  Greed is not a legal issue, it’s a moral / ethical heart /emotional issue.  If people are afraid what they have, however large or small, will be taken from them, they will figure out how to keep it, period.  Oops, I digress which is quite usual for me.)

Since I am an individual and not a real estate company I will not buy a 2nd house and charge exorbitant rent in order to cover the 2nd mortgage and the upkeep that is really not in my budget either.

Rant over.