What’s truly important

…who loves her sons…

Some thoughts.

From the first woman who ever loved you, but not the last.

From the first woman who loves you forever, but not the last.

From the first woman who kissed your precious little face, but not the last.

From the first woman who’s trying for as long as she lives to give you true unconditional love, but my deepest hope is I’m not the last: because at the end of the day, who you love and who loves you is what matters most.  May you fully know unconditional love.

From the woman who’s learned the hard way, the first person for me to love unconditionally is me, and the first person for you is you. Forgive yourself every last thing, big or small matters not.  Forgive you and love you.

 

From the woman who said, “Get to know yourself well enough to work with who you are” decades ago and had no idea the depth of truth to that statement.

May you know the truth, because it does indeed set you free.

 

Pain. You’ve already endured more than you ever should have.

It’s a part of life, it hurts, it’s no fun and sometimes it feels like you’ll be crushed under the weight of it and that there’s no way to even take a breath.

And why, why does it seem to hurt the worst at night? Being tired magnifies every bad emotion 10x’s and more.

Pain is the one emotion people run from and anesthetize more than any other. After I tried food, staying up way too late, binge watching t.v., running, tequila, men, shopping (if I buy that I’ll feel better), anger in raging at anyone who crossed my path, I could go on and am sure you could add some but you get the point.

I’ve discovered another way.

When the crushing blow is dealt, walk right into it, breathe it in, feel it completely and let it engulf you like an ocean wave and succumb to it. Then ride it for as long as it takes to finally break on the shore.  When it breaks, and it will, slowly stand up, gain your footing and walk one step at a time as the healing begins to flow.  One day at a time.

Not an easy task, but a worthwhile endeavor. As the healing flows, so do wisdom and truth.

Unconditional love (you first), forgiveness (you first), seeking truth, navigating pain and above all is…

Rest.

Sometimes you have to fight for your rest, other people, situations, and even yourself. A good night’s sleep is the cure for much more than we realize.  Rest.

 

So why did I do this? Because I realize I say many words, but don’t say much.  I want to make sure I get said what’s really important.

With love,

A mom who loves her sons with every ounce of her being

Let it burn

…endure the flames…

Once again I find myself rising from the ashes of being burned to the ground.  This time there were many days when I wondered if there would be any ash left because the fire has burned hot, and for a long time.

But as is always true for a phoenix, the day comes when the fire subsides, the embers glow, and peace slowly returns.

There will be times when I get it all wrong, and the only way is to burn down, and start again.

In the past, I’ve always hoped that these firestorms would mean that I would finally arrive in life:  that all lessons have been learned and it’s time to enjoy.  However, what I’ve come to realize this time, it’s part of my life.  I can fight against it the entire time, or I can surrender and actually enjoy the process.

This time, I embraced it.  Instead of looking at this as a battle, I see now it’s pure victory.  There are very few willing to endure the flames for a more beautiful and deeper understanding of life and journey into the future.  I’ve been given a gift that’s taken me over 5 decades to understand. Now it’s time to share and show the way for the new phoenix, the ones that still find the fire so painful and all but give up.

I’m here to say, breathe.  Breathe in the flames, let them engulf you and purify your very being.  When they subside and they always do, you’ll stand more beautiful than you ever thought possible, and you’ll have more clarity than you know what to do with… at first.

One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time, your path will be shown you.  Patience beautiful young phoenix, embrace the process, embrace yourself.  You are loved.

Image result for phoenix

Authenticity, the journey

I feel alive

When did my authenticity journey begin and why is it so important?  Those are 2 questions that over the course of time will be answered in probably more detail than I realize at this current moment.

Here’s what I know right now:  I feel alive.  I’m sitting here with my work laptop starting this blog and I actually feel like I’m living.  I haven’t felt this way in a very long time.  I don’t know what it is about expressing myself through words that brings life and rejuvenation to me, but it does.  So for the first time, again in a very long time, I’m going to go with it.  I think I’ll even run with it!

I do have much to learn about blogs and how they’re set up, so my hope is any readers will be patient as my journey in blogging unfolds.  It’s already filled with excitement, some anxiety in learning how it all works, definitely some humor among many other adjectives and adverbs that describe life.  Yes, this blog will definitely contain humor.  One of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself is the gift of laughing at myself, especially when I try to hard and well, you can only imagine what happens when anyone tries too hard…..