Things I Didn’t Know About Being Married to a Sex Addict

One woman’s courageous journey to healing and wholeness for herself, and her marriage. May Grace abound.

Tears in a Bottle

Being married to a sex addict, there were a lot of things I did not know.

I did not know the destructive nature of pornography and its far reaching, devastating effects on the lives, families, homes, churches, places it touches.

I did not know that the presence of pornography in my home had invaded my husband’s soul, and was a root cause of our damaged marriage and my utter brokenness.

I did not know that my husband had chosen pornography, masturbation and fantasy over intimacy with me.

I did not know that pornography was a form of betrayal.

I did not know that my husband was able to blatantly lie to me.

I did not know that the rejection of my heart, soul and body was not my fault.

I did not know that my body was fine just the way it was.

I did not know that I was…

View original post 341 more words

Mothers and Daughters… in law

each secure

My first thought here is wouldn’t this sound better if it were simply Mothers & Daughters?  sigh

(Note to self:  I must remember to find out how to put the emoji that’s laughing and crying at the same time!)

Recently, some thoughts have come together to form a theory.  A theory that’s proved true time and  time again, but since I haven’t started documenting until now we’ll stay in theory land. (thumbs up)

The mother of a son and the wife/life girlfriend of that same son should really be almost best friends.  Other than age and experience, when you think about their common denominator it’s a logical rational conclusion.  There are NO 2 females on the planet that are going to love this man more than these two. 

It starts with mom.  She gives birth/adopts this beautiful baby boy who immediately has her entire heart, and she his.  She raises him and loves him and he looks to her for nurturing and navigating childhood into young adulthood.  He knows she cares for his heart and loves him as no other person, it’s pure and it’s a comforting place.

Then he meets a young woman with whom he falls head over heels in love.

If a healthy relationship ensues then all goes well.  This young girl has another woman who loves her as her mom does and this young man has a young woman who will now receive the care for his heart for hopefully the rest of his life.

She looks to his mom sometimes because she wants to take care of this man’s heart and knows this woman is the best resource she has.  They develop a deep, honest, caring relationship and trust each other knowing that no one can ever take either of their places.  They’re each secure in knowing that their unique place in this man’s heart is sacred and just that.  A mom and a wife in a man’s heart are sacredly unique and should be celebrated as such!

However…. if either if them is insecure regarding their place in the mans heart, then life can become one dramatic scene after another.  Who is the one hurt the most?  The young man.

If the young woman is not secure in her place, she’s going to view his mom as a threat, as a woman who doesn’t want her son to have a life of his own.  Then she’ll take steps to prove to the man how wrong his mother is, and how he’s better off without her.  This is ultimately painful for the mother and her feelings are understandably hurt.

If the mom is not secure in her place, she’ll hover and intrude and expect to be included with everything they do.  She’ll guilt her son into doing things and leave the young woman wondering what she’s done wrong and her feelings are understandably hurt.

~~~

But….this is all so easily resolved.  If either party gets a clear moment in their mind and realizes, “my place is unique.  NO one can take it from me” then hopefully they can get past their issues.

Young women, chill!  She’s had the care of her sons heart his entire life, she just wants to know she can trust you’ll care for it.  She’d like some time with her son, when you have children you’ll understand.

Women, chill!  She’s loved by your son and wants to care for his heart.  Give her a chance and let them build their relationship on their own.  Remember, you too were once young and in love and wanted a chance.

There is so much more I could add to this and probably will in another post for now, simply remember your place in his heart is yours.  You’re irreplaceable, rest and take comfort in that fact.